Abuse in formative years – Is it just a phase?

Abuse in formative years – Is it just a phase?

It’s disheartening to see the level of abuse people go through. It requires a lot of courage to voice out your abuse. I am saying this not because I simply ‘understand’, it’s because ‘I know how it feels as a survivor of physical and mental abuse in childhood. People can only imagine what survivor goes through, but no one understands what going through abuse looks like. It’s disheartening to witness that majority of abuses are from known members (especially in childhood).

I can see people coming out and sharing how they overcame and build themselves up. Well, you are already in the special 10% of people who have seen and experienced life differently.

When we read how one overcame abuse, we salute, comment about bravery and courage and move on. But this is what happens. We have defined categories of abuse such as physical abuse – when you are physically assaulted, beaten, molested, etc. Emotional abuse is when you are scolded, manipulated, and torn down with harsh and filthy words. However, there are many subtle and silent forms of abuse one goes through. These abuses have a different form of gravity for different individuals.  Have you ever wondered why it is difficult for some people to live a fulfilled and happy life? Why do some people ‘overreact’ to small incidences? Why can people not tolerate the minutest aggression of anything? Why do they don’t feel “included?” Why is there a deep sense of self-doubt in them? Why do people “Accept the abuse”?

Before we study the why and what of abuse. People don’t even acknowledge that they have been abused or they have accepted the abuse unconsciously

Be it in professional or personal lives, the impact of abuse is often underrated. The only reason is

People feel “Abuse” is just an event or phase!

 It’s very convenient for people and ourselves to label abuse as a “bad patch” or “difficult phase”. But in reality, it’s a scar that impacts life. One can learn to heal, one can let go and develop coping mechanisms. But once you are abused (especially in childhood) it won’t be visible on your face, but the way you navigate, think, feel, react, and decide everything has a shadow of it unless it is dealt with and addressed through the right professionals.  People survive and develop their way of navigating the memory of abuse to overcome the shadow of abuse. Most of the time, these memories are repressed, forgotten, or ignored for a prolonged time.

There is a significant work done for Diversity and Inclusion initiatives at the workplace. Where people of all genders, sexuality, race, and religion are not only accepted but included and encouraged for having the feeling of “belongingness”. Childhood abuse is also an important area where DEI needs a separate way of dealing with an abuse history.

Abuse is not something where someone abuses and the survivor heals as time passes.

Few have the environment where they can voice out, few don’t. But that’s not the point here.

In my next blog, I will share my views on what makes a person ‘surrender’ to abuse and how it impacts their lives.

Please note: The views expressed in all articles are my views based on my reflections and my client’s experiences. This article is not aimed at anyone specific